The Rant
by blinded-oedipus
Summary: After Naruto skips out on his friends' weekly drinking night for unknown reasons, Kiba becomes determined to give him a piece of his mind. T for strong language.


**Author's note**: I don't own Naruto...blah blah blah. So this is just a short, kind of crazy fic. Hope you get a good laugh out of it, as I did. Read, review, and enjoy!

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The sun was shining, his friend was home, and he was well rested. Ordinarily, Naruto would count these as signs for a good day. This was, of course, before a livid Kiba had stormed past his secretary and practically broke down the door trying to get into his office. After listening to ten minutes of the man's continuous complaints and profanity, Naruto began to feel that his luck for the day had turned sour.

"You know what?" the wolfish man asked, his lips curling and eyes accusing the other man of knowing just exactly what. "Fuck you, Naruto. I don't care if you are the Hokage. Fuck you." His finger pointed to a spot straight between the accused's eyes, and Naruto gave him a withering look not unlike one a tired parent would give a ranting child. "We've had this god damn tradition going on for over two years! Two years! You think you can just flake out on us with no explanation?"

Naruto sighed and held the side of his face in his hand. "Apparently not."

"Damn straight," Kiba continued, undaunted by his dry tone. "There's no way in hell that I'm going to let you live this down. No. Way. In. Hell."

"Look, I'm sorry Kiba," Naruto cut in quickly. "But I was..." he paused for only a fraction of a second and glanced quickly at Sasuke, who leaned against the window sill with a bored countenance, "busy last night."

Kiba's eyes narrowed dangerously as he surveyed him and sniffed the air for any extra clues his eyes might have missed. "Yeah, Sai said something about you maybe not coming. Said it all cryptic, too, like there was some fucking joke behind it all." His eyes slid slowly over to Sasuke, whom he had blatantly ignored until this point. "But the funny thing is...I still don't seem to get it."

The air was punctuated by Kiba's immense hatred and pointed silence. Naruto could hear the gears turning in the man's head and could practically visualize all the elaborate schemes he was concocting in his mind to force the truth out of the traitor's mouth.

"There's nothing _to_ get, Kiba. No joke. Nothing. Simple as that. Sai was probably just fucking with you, like he always does," Naruto commented as nonchalantly as possible. He needed to play this hand delicately. Lure Kiba into a complacent mood just like cooing a rowdy puppy into a submissive calmness. One false step and he could be bitten.

In the short silence that followed, Kiba turned his black eyes to Naruto—a predator evaluating his prey, wondering if he should give chase or save it for another time. "Yeah...you're probably right." He backed off, as Naruto had hoped, and the hatred in his eyes simmered down to heated dislike as he glanced back over at Sasuke. "So, if this thing you did was so damned important that you had to skip our drinking night, why can't you just explain what it was?" A wicked grin spread across his face. The prey was corned.

Naruto straightened a few papers on his desk. "It's confidential." The prey darted through the bushes.

"I'm ANBU, motherfucker. I have top level clearance." The predator was hot on his trail.

"Wrong. If you had top level, then you would be me." Once again, the predator was in the dark.

Kiba scowled as Naruto inwardly gloated over the small victory. "So that's how it is, huh? 'I'm the Hokage and I can do whatever the hell I want.' Don't pull that shit on me. Tell me what you were really doing."

"I'm sorry. It's confidential," he repeated, allowing the smirk to show in his eyes, but not his face.

After staring him down one final time, Kiba pushed off the desk with an exaggerated sigh. "Whatever. What the fuck ever. Just don't make a habit of it." Shoving his hands in his pockets, he turned and sauntered over to the doorway. "Sake. Same time, same place. And I better see your ass there. We can rate whores on their cleavage," he offered with a wolfish grin.

"Can't wait," Naruto responded flatly with just the hint of a smirk on his lips.

When the sound of Kiba's footsteps had completely faded, Sasuke leaned over the edge of the desk and asked, "Can that man open his mouth without cursing?"

"No," Naruto responded without even a second of hesitation. "If he did, I think he might spontaneously combust."


End file.
